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ADHD, Balloons, and YOU
Aug. 26th, 2011 11:54 amI would like to see how many people out there feel that the following describes them:
Imagine a balloon.
The balloon represents your ability to concentrate on a problem.
The less trivial and longer the task, the more puffs of "concentration" are required.
Of course, everyone has a finite amount of lung capacity for blowing up the balloon, but normally, everyday distractions aside, when one has a task to perform, one dumps a few hearty lungfulls of effort into the balloon and can eventually tie a knot at the end of a completed task.
For me, on a bad day the balloon has a tensile strength of practically zero.
*puff* *puff* *POP!*.
And when the balloon pops, it's... kind of freaky really. Often with no conscious thought, my mind just throws an exception (sorry, was trying to avoid tech analogies, but this one works too well) that is handled by a process that automatically finds another task, sometimes seemingly at random, that is within the balloon's estimated capacity. Sometimes I literally find myself starting on the new task with no conscious thought of what I'm doing, only to "wake up" just in time to say "damn it, I did it again!". On a really bad day this means I often find myself skimming some random, pointless web page, not reading anything over a paragraph long (*POP!*), all the while thinking to myself "Why am I doing this? This is not what I want to be doing right now!"). Other times, like right now, interest in what I was trying to do is replaced by a compulsion to do something else: "You should go write up that balloon analogy that's been kicking around in your head! Yeah, go do that!". If I stick to tasks within the balloon's capacity I can do them, but when the capacity is near zero, or when the things I really need to be doing are above the balloon's capacity, I have some hard decisions to make.
Do I medicate? I already took a (very small) dose of my ADHD prescription this morning, but it either did nothing or made the balloon strong enough to write this post, but not to debug the code I really, really need to debug today, and I'm hesitant to start messing with taking more (though my doc has said that at the doses I'm talking about it should be fine).
Do I go for a non-prescription stimulant like caffeine? I've been drinking a lot of tea lately, and the more I intake, the more the positive side effects seem to lessen while the negative side effects remain. This is one reason I've never bothered upgrading to coffee.
Naps are very helpful when I can get them, but it's a crapshoot whether I will actually be able to sleep. My body as a whole can be exhausted, but my brain can still be running a mile-a-minute in all directions, and/or my limbs will be full of this low-level buzzing energy that doesn't contribute to my energy level in a meaningful way, but does keep me from sleeping (or staying asleep).
Note to self: I should probably use this as an excuse to exercise and see if that helps. I recently invested in some dumbells so I can do curls and things when I feel this way. These seem to help. Finishing the post first, though, because dammit I'm going to finish *something* today.
I'm not one to downplay the importance of discipline and self-care, but days like this make it really clear to me that there's something operating sub-optimally in me.
...or is there? I'm curious to what extent this analogy rings true with others reading this, and if so, whether there's a correlation with ADHD diagnoses. If you've an opinion one way or the other, please comment.
It was finally getting fed up with wasted *POP!* days that led me to go in for the testing that led to my own diagnosis of ADHD, but I still half expect the majority of responses to this post to be "nope, pretty much everyone works like that sometimes, especially when one doesn't take care of one's self (e.g. sleep)" or something. And, frankly, I'm quite prepared to hear that answer, so don't hold back if that's how it is for you.
I know I'm hyperactive in a way that keeps me from sleeping as much as I should (I type as my leg bounces uncontrollably under my desk, like it was this morning in bed), and I know this contributes to the balloon problem. Whether the "ADHD" is a cause or a symptom is only relevant to me inasmuch as it has a bearing on what solutions are most likely to work.
In case anyone suggests it, I have an appointment for a sleep study-- or rather, an appointment for a preliminary meeting that will hopefully lead to a sleep study. The earliest they could make that appointment is mid-October. Sigh.
Ok. There. I've indulged my muse. I'm going to go exercise maybe try to nap, and pray I have time left to get my workstuff done before I have to start getting ready for PiCon.
Imagine a balloon.
The balloon represents your ability to concentrate on a problem.
The less trivial and longer the task, the more puffs of "concentration" are required.
Of course, everyone has a finite amount of lung capacity for blowing up the balloon, but normally, everyday distractions aside, when one has a task to perform, one dumps a few hearty lungfulls of effort into the balloon and can eventually tie a knot at the end of a completed task.
For me, on a bad day the balloon has a tensile strength of practically zero.
*puff* *puff* *POP!*.
And when the balloon pops, it's... kind of freaky really. Often with no conscious thought, my mind just throws an exception (sorry, was trying to avoid tech analogies, but this one works too well) that is handled by a process that automatically finds another task, sometimes seemingly at random, that is within the balloon's estimated capacity. Sometimes I literally find myself starting on the new task with no conscious thought of what I'm doing, only to "wake up" just in time to say "damn it, I did it again!". On a really bad day this means I often find myself skimming some random, pointless web page, not reading anything over a paragraph long (*POP!*), all the while thinking to myself "Why am I doing this? This is not what I want to be doing right now!"). Other times, like right now, interest in what I was trying to do is replaced by a compulsion to do something else: "You should go write up that balloon analogy that's been kicking around in your head! Yeah, go do that!". If I stick to tasks within the balloon's capacity I can do them, but when the capacity is near zero, or when the things I really need to be doing are above the balloon's capacity, I have some hard decisions to make.
Do I medicate? I already took a (very small) dose of my ADHD prescription this morning, but it either did nothing or made the balloon strong enough to write this post, but not to debug the code I really, really need to debug today, and I'm hesitant to start messing with taking more (though my doc has said that at the doses I'm talking about it should be fine).
Do I go for a non-prescription stimulant like caffeine? I've been drinking a lot of tea lately, and the more I intake, the more the positive side effects seem to lessen while the negative side effects remain. This is one reason I've never bothered upgrading to coffee.
Naps are very helpful when I can get them, but it's a crapshoot whether I will actually be able to sleep. My body as a whole can be exhausted, but my brain can still be running a mile-a-minute in all directions, and/or my limbs will be full of this low-level buzzing energy that doesn't contribute to my energy level in a meaningful way, but does keep me from sleeping (or staying asleep).
Note to self: I should probably use this as an excuse to exercise and see if that helps. I recently invested in some dumbells so I can do curls and things when I feel this way. These seem to help. Finishing the post first, though, because dammit I'm going to finish *something* today.
I'm not one to downplay the importance of discipline and self-care, but days like this make it really clear to me that there's something operating sub-optimally in me.
...or is there? I'm curious to what extent this analogy rings true with others reading this, and if so, whether there's a correlation with ADHD diagnoses. If you've an opinion one way or the other, please comment.
It was finally getting fed up with wasted *POP!* days that led me to go in for the testing that led to my own diagnosis of ADHD, but I still half expect the majority of responses to this post to be "nope, pretty much everyone works like that sometimes, especially when one doesn't take care of one's self (e.g. sleep)" or something. And, frankly, I'm quite prepared to hear that answer, so don't hold back if that's how it is for you.
I know I'm hyperactive in a way that keeps me from sleeping as much as I should (I type as my leg bounces uncontrollably under my desk, like it was this morning in bed), and I know this contributes to the balloon problem. Whether the "ADHD" is a cause or a symptom is only relevant to me inasmuch as it has a bearing on what solutions are most likely to work.
In case anyone suggests it, I have an appointment for a sleep study-- or rather, an appointment for a preliminary meeting that will hopefully lead to a sleep study. The earliest they could make that appointment is mid-October. Sigh.
Ok. There. I've indulged my muse. I'm going to go exercise maybe try to nap, and pray I have time left to get my workstuff done before I have to start getting ready for PiCon.
