ADHD, Balloons, and YOU
Aug. 26th, 2011 11:54 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
usernamenumberI would like to see how many people out there feel that the following describes them:
Imagine a balloon.
The balloon represents your ability to concentrate on a problem.
The less trivial and longer the task, the more puffs of "concentration" are required.
Of course, everyone has a finite amount of lung capacity for blowing up the balloon, but normally, everyday distractions aside, when one has a task to perform, one dumps a few hearty lungfulls of effort into the balloon and can eventually tie a knot at the end of a completed task.
For me, on a bad day the balloon has a tensile strength of practically zero.
*puff* *puff* *POP!*.
And when the balloon pops, it's... kind of freaky really. Often with no conscious thought, my mind just throws an exception (sorry, was trying to avoid tech analogies, but this one works too well) that is handled by a process that automatically finds another task, sometimes seemingly at random, that is within the balloon's estimated capacity. Sometimes I literally find myself starting on the new task with no conscious thought of what I'm doing, only to "wake up" just in time to say "damn it, I did it again!". On a really bad day this means I often find myself skimming some random, pointless web page, not reading anything over a paragraph long (*POP!*), all the while thinking to myself "Why am I doing this? This is not what I want to be doing right now!"). Other times, like right now, interest in what I was trying to do is replaced by a compulsion to do something else: "You should go write up that balloon analogy that's been kicking around in your head! Yeah, go do that!". If I stick to tasks within the balloon's capacity I can do them, but when the capacity is near zero, or when the things I really need to be doing are above the balloon's capacity, I have some hard decisions to make.
Do I medicate? I already took a (very small) dose of my ADHD prescription this morning, but it either did nothing or made the balloon strong enough to write this post, but not to debug the code I really, really need to debug today, and I'm hesitant to start messing with taking more (though my doc has said that at the doses I'm talking about it should be fine).
Do I go for a non-prescription stimulant like caffeine? I've been drinking a lot of tea lately, and the more I intake, the more the positive side effects seem to lessen while the negative side effects remain. This is one reason I've never bothered upgrading to coffee.
Naps are very helpful when I can get them, but it's a crapshoot whether I will actually be able to sleep. My body as a whole can be exhausted, but my brain can still be running a mile-a-minute in all directions, and/or my limbs will be full of this low-level buzzing energy that doesn't contribute to my energy level in a meaningful way, but does keep me from sleeping (or staying asleep).
Note to self: I should probably use this as an excuse to exercise and see if that helps. I recently invested in some dumbells so I can do curls and things when I feel this way. These seem to help. Finishing the post first, though, because dammit I'm going to finish *something* today.
I'm not one to downplay the importance of discipline and self-care, but days like this make it really clear to me that there's something operating sub-optimally in me.
...or is there? I'm curious to what extent this analogy rings true with others reading this, and if so, whether there's a correlation with ADHD diagnoses. If you've an opinion one way or the other, please comment.
It was finally getting fed up with wasted *POP!* days that led me to go in for the testing that led to my own diagnosis of ADHD, but I still half expect the majority of responses to this post to be "nope, pretty much everyone works like that sometimes, especially when one doesn't take care of one's self (e.g. sleep)" or something. And, frankly, I'm quite prepared to hear that answer, so don't hold back if that's how it is for you.
I know I'm hyperactive in a way that keeps me from sleeping as much as I should (I type as my leg bounces uncontrollably under my desk, like it was this morning in bed), and I know this contributes to the balloon problem. Whether the "ADHD" is a cause or a symptom is only relevant to me inasmuch as it has a bearing on what solutions are most likely to work.
In case anyone suggests it, I have an appointment for a sleep study-- or rather, an appointment for a preliminary meeting that will hopefully lead to a sleep study. The earliest they could make that appointment is mid-October. Sigh.
Ok. There. I've indulged my muse. I'm going to go exercise maybe try to nap, and pray I have time left to get my workstuff done before I have to start getting ready for PiCon.
Imagine a balloon.
The balloon represents your ability to concentrate on a problem.
The less trivial and longer the task, the more puffs of "concentration" are required.
Of course, everyone has a finite amount of lung capacity for blowing up the balloon, but normally, everyday distractions aside, when one has a task to perform, one dumps a few hearty lungfulls of effort into the balloon and can eventually tie a knot at the end of a completed task.
For me, on a bad day the balloon has a tensile strength of practically zero.
*puff* *puff* *POP!*.
And when the balloon pops, it's... kind of freaky really. Often with no conscious thought, my mind just throws an exception (sorry, was trying to avoid tech analogies, but this one works too well) that is handled by a process that automatically finds another task, sometimes seemingly at random, that is within the balloon's estimated capacity. Sometimes I literally find myself starting on the new task with no conscious thought of what I'm doing, only to "wake up" just in time to say "damn it, I did it again!". On a really bad day this means I often find myself skimming some random, pointless web page, not reading anything over a paragraph long (*POP!*), all the while thinking to myself "Why am I doing this? This is not what I want to be doing right now!"). Other times, like right now, interest in what I was trying to do is replaced by a compulsion to do something else: "You should go write up that balloon analogy that's been kicking around in your head! Yeah, go do that!". If I stick to tasks within the balloon's capacity I can do them, but when the capacity is near zero, or when the things I really need to be doing are above the balloon's capacity, I have some hard decisions to make.
Do I medicate? I already took a (very small) dose of my ADHD prescription this morning, but it either did nothing or made the balloon strong enough to write this post, but not to debug the code I really, really need to debug today, and I'm hesitant to start messing with taking more (though my doc has said that at the doses I'm talking about it should be fine).
Do I go for a non-prescription stimulant like caffeine? I've been drinking a lot of tea lately, and the more I intake, the more the positive side effects seem to lessen while the negative side effects remain. This is one reason I've never bothered upgrading to coffee.
Naps are very helpful when I can get them, but it's a crapshoot whether I will actually be able to sleep. My body as a whole can be exhausted, but my brain can still be running a mile-a-minute in all directions, and/or my limbs will be full of this low-level buzzing energy that doesn't contribute to my energy level in a meaningful way, but does keep me from sleeping (or staying asleep).
Note to self: I should probably use this as an excuse to exercise and see if that helps. I recently invested in some dumbells so I can do curls and things when I feel this way. These seem to help. Finishing the post first, though, because dammit I'm going to finish *something* today.
I'm not one to downplay the importance of discipline and self-care, but days like this make it really clear to me that there's something operating sub-optimally in me.
...or is there? I'm curious to what extent this analogy rings true with others reading this, and if so, whether there's a correlation with ADHD diagnoses. If you've an opinion one way or the other, please comment.
It was finally getting fed up with wasted *POP!* days that led me to go in for the testing that led to my own diagnosis of ADHD, but I still half expect the majority of responses to this post to be "nope, pretty much everyone works like that sometimes, especially when one doesn't take care of one's self (e.g. sleep)" or something. And, frankly, I'm quite prepared to hear that answer, so don't hold back if that's how it is for you.
I know I'm hyperactive in a way that keeps me from sleeping as much as I should (I type as my leg bounces uncontrollably under my desk, like it was this morning in bed), and I know this contributes to the balloon problem. Whether the "ADHD" is a cause or a symptom is only relevant to me inasmuch as it has a bearing on what solutions are most likely to work.
In case anyone suggests it, I have an appointment for a sleep study-- or rather, an appointment for a preliminary meeting that will hopefully lead to a sleep study. The earliest they could make that appointment is mid-October. Sigh.
Ok. There. I've indulged my muse. I'm going to go exercise maybe try to nap, and pray I have time left to get my workstuff done before I have to start getting ready for PiCon.
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no subject
Date: 2011-08-26 04:07 pm (UTC)I keep resistance bands at work for this purpose. Dumbbells are better, but resistance bands are light enough to leave in a desk and completely silent. I use them when I get too much energy to sit still, but don't want to leave my desk to go up and down the stairs for 10 minutes.
no subject
Date: 2011-08-26 09:18 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-08-27 05:13 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-08-26 05:33 pm (UTC)If that isn't working, I'll often go for a run or a bike ride, and come back. If I'm physically tired, I work much better because I'm capable of sitting still in front of my computer.
I have never been diagnosed ADHD. You know me well enough that I'll leave the statement at that. I'm very functional for how off the wall I am.
no subject
Date: 2011-08-26 05:39 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-08-26 06:00 pm (UTC)While I find that medication does help, if I'm just having a bad concentration day, it tends to just push me more toward long and involved trivial tasks (knit ALL the things!) rather than helping me to actually do the things I want to be doing. Exercise definitely helps in the short term, but that gives me maybe two hours of productivity, tops. The good part is that even minimal exercise like getting up from my desk and walking around the building a couple times often helps, and I can do that every few hours if I need to.
I've also noticed that my ADHD and anxiety interact in really unfortunate ways. Being unable to do things increases my anxiety, and anxiety makes it harder for me to keep my mind from wandering off into strange places. I haven't really found a good solution for this, but medication definitely helps keep the feedback between the two from getting too loud.
And I'm going to leave it at that, because I just realized I let myself get distracted by your post and totally forgot about the meeting I'm supposed to be at in one minute.
no subject
Date: 2011-08-26 09:21 pm (UTC)It's kind of freaky.
no subject
Date: 2011-08-27 12:54 am (UTC)I would offer heaps of perspective and experience here (meds, behavioral stuff, blah de blah), but it might take awhile, and I get distracted super easily and have a lot of other stuff to do, and I'm not even sure any of it would be useful. But, if I can offer one small piece of advice here, it would be DO NOT get into coffee or any of the heavier stimulants, as you will regret it forever. And I don't mean like, pretend-forever. I mean, forever-forever. And forever is a very long time. SO not worth it.
no subject
Date: 2011-08-27 03:07 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-08-28 07:57 pm (UTC)Yeah, this describes me. When I was a kid, I used to get the leg shakes all the time. I get 'em less and less nowadays, though I suspect that's because I drink so much caffeine.
I've learned to deal with my distractibility by flipping through a sequence of tasks, so if what I really need to do is clean out my desk, I answer all my email instead. It's less than ideal, and it doesn't always work, but it's something.
I've never felt that my tendency to flip from task to task is something I should seek medication for, but I've never been tested for ADHD, either.
no subject
Date: 2011-08-29 03:22 am (UTC)The ballon metephore doesn't resonate for me.
The problem with medicating with any type of stimulant is that your body will aclimate to it. For a couple of years I had a perscription for Adderol. I did not become addicted, but when I decided to go off it, my metabolism slowed down and I gained 30 lbs. It took me 4 years to work that 30 lbs back off.
Exercise does seem to help with focus.
no subject
Date: 2011-08-29 09:54 pm (UTC)Analogies aside, I mostly came to say:
> Note to self: I should probably use this as an excuse to exercise and see if that helps.
That is almost certainly the best option, as regular exercise has been shown to be quite effective. Also for insomnia, not incidentally.