25 Frustrating Things About Being An Extrovert

[usernamenumber]

I'm a bit loathe to share this because I feel like the introverts vs extroverts meme is kinda manufactured and silly, plus also Buzzfeed. And yet, while a lot of these don't resonate with me at all, a bunch do, and in particular I hadn't even realized that #2 ("Being upset and needing to talk it out with at least three different people") was a thing for me until I read it and was like "yesyesyesthat!". It dovetails badly with another extrovert thing: I've gotten to know so many awesome people that sometimes the line between "friend", "close friend" and "person it's ok to go to when I need to emodump" can become a bit blurry, so I either dump on everyone or no one.

#11 is something I've been working on curbing since college, and maybe I would also have a problem with #6, were it not for #6. :)

Hmm... in an effort to illustrate one of these that doesn't resonate with me, I was about to add "then again, I love a good Netflix marathon", when I realized that usually if I watch something really good on my own I get sad because I missed the opportunity to share the experience.

Le Sigh. It's y'all's fault for bein' so great and stuff.

Comments

[heiligekuh.livejournal.com]

It's odd that while I would have probably labeled myself an introvert in the late 90s, I would have never put you as an extrovert. But, of course, looking back on those years mine are defined by great sprawling Sorkin walk & talks with you and Peter (which, for the record, means leisurely strolls for you Up the Beanstalk freaks and frantic scrambles for the Lollipop Guild) and epic "everyone in THIS room!" events. All of my precious "alone time" was angsty and unsetteled. Almost as if I was looking for something... or someone.

I love a good icon list, but if I got one thing from UCSC it's a deep an abiding hatred of reductive binaries. (Because the Beastie Boys turned out all right, if you ever move past License to Ill).

[usernamenumber.livejournal.com]

Really? The bit about never labeling me as an extrovert surprises me. ...as does, now that I think of it, someone whose room was dubbed "the vortex" in two separate years calling himself an introvert. ;)

[lowellboyslash.livejournal.com]

I love tumblr, Netflix, and yoga... but most of these pretty accurately describe me, I gotta say.

[archangelwells.livejournal.com]

I passed them on to someone I think needed to see them. Thank you for sharing!

[sandrylene.livejournal.com]

Hrm. I have this tendency to just forget that there are people I like who are extroverts. (Bad me.)

IMO 3 is ridiculous. If the extroverts didn't initiate hangouts, a non-trivial portion of the introverts I am pretty sure would never see anyone.

Also, as someone who has done years of cashiering as introvert (re:12) - holy crap, keep talking, customers. Because otherwise the job is flipping dull as dirt.

Though re: 16 I didn't know anyone *liked* group work. Certainly in school I got the impression everyone thought it was terrible except folks who saw it as a way to not do work. Good to know.

Re 25: for a long time that's basically what I thought about depression. It was weird, but there was definitely a several year long period where basically my thinking was, "if I become happy, I'll be intellectually worthless."

My conclusion: brains are weird. Extroverts and introverts are both good to keep around. Let's go shopping. :P

[usernamenumber.livejournal.com]

So, I'm curious: does performing cost you energy? I don't doubt that they exist, but the notion of an introverted performer is something sufficiently foreign to me that it's hard for me to wrap my head around. I suspect that that's more likely an illustration of the inadequacy of the introvert/extrovert binary than anything else, though.

[jicama]

For me, performing is qualitatively different from socializing. In a performance, my role is defined and I just need to live it, which is tremendously freeing.

[sandrylene.livejournal.com]

Interesting. I agree that performing and socialising are wholly different, but I'm guessing from your comment that you're talking acting? That's fairly different from music performance, which sometimes doesn't have much of a coherent viewpoint character to live in. (Particularly when playing flute rather than singing.)

[sandrylene.livejournal.com]

So yes, performing costs me energy, but as mentioned below, it's not like socialising. It's also maybe partially due to my anxiety moreso than my introvertedness. I think most of my energy actually goes to actively trying to get past the "everyone's judging you" sort of litany that my brain throws at me when I'm doing anything performance-flavoured.

It does feel more like an exchange of energy, though, in some ways, than a straight cost, if that makes any sense. Sort of like spending capability type energy in order to get emotional energy back? Something like that.

The one thing that I've certainly noticed is that we have very different responses after we get done performing. I think you're very much "and let me say hello to everyone who has come to see us!" and wanting to just thank people for coming and share and socialise. My immediate response is "now let me hide somewhere for an hour to reflect on what just happened and what I might need to learn from it," and when I can't do that, I basically do not want to talk about the performance and would like to talk about unrelated things if I have to be social.

[lillibet.livejournal.com]

While I do sympathize with several of these and have no problem accepting that I am an extrovert, I find the dichotomy far too sharp--I had a lot of sympathy for several of the ones on the introvert version that was going around yesterday and no one would mistake me for an introvert.

I think one of the things this misses is the work involved in not-dominating conversations :)

#25 is the source of much of my dating life--ah, the allure of complementary neuroses!

[acousticshadow2.livejournal.com]

The problem I have with these memes... is that I qualify as both an extrovert and an introvert. I need a lot of social contact and I frankly just don't get it and because of that I often feel very sad and lonely. I find that I'm often the person who needs to initialize any social contact with people and get really sad when a good 90% of the time I'm turned down. I find that hanging out with people does recharge me, and that I often desperately need to talk to people when I'm sad or upset or lonely.

The flipside to this is that I also need time alone and sometimes don't want to be around people. I get overwhelmed by large groups of people and find keeping up the high energy draining. I HATE working in a group. I tend to not blurt things out... I tend to take a long time to decide if I'm going to say something about something, and then often choose not to say it. (or as more common post it). I used to like being the center of attention, but years of life has tempered that from me (expect in larps).

I find that most of these "introvert/extrovert" memes are just excuses that people have to be "different" or explain away their own desires to not adapt to their situations or social interactions. Asking someone who is extroverted to STOP being that way is just as selfish as asking someone who is introverted to STOP being that way. On the flip side... An introvert who never initiates social interaction or is around for their extroverted friend's needs is just as selfish as an extroverted person who overwhelms their introverted friend. It is all about balance. I find they generalize too much. Not all introverts = X. Not all extroverts = X.

But it is an interesting meme. I've become annoyed with all the whiny "I'm an introvert and therefore I need everyone to understand me" memes. When did that change from just being called Emo? Introverted does not equal emo. There are plenty of people who are just homebodies and prefer time alone, but all the memes have pegged this "phenomenon" as being a very emo state of being. *rolls eyes*

[darkoni]

TV and movie watching isn't as much fun for me without sharing the experience. It's just not the same.

[katiescarlett29.livejournal.com]

Oh man, the first half of these were very very familiar to me.