More on sleep, hyperfocus and stress

[usernamenumber]

(this post was started around 1:30am, but wasn't posted due to annoying 'net outage)

This. This is a key to the problem. Went to help mirrored_echo move, and ended up having a very good, and very long, conversation with a friend of hers, a total stranger to me, afterward. I don't regret the conversation one bit (there's something very rewarding, at least to me, about having a serious conversation with a stranger), but now here I am, Up Too Late Again. I'm taking tomorrow off except for conference calls, but with my tendency to wake up earlier than I should, a concert tomorrow, a party after that, and possible other things on Sunday, all of which with the capacity to be emotionally and physically draining... well, the term "run ragged", which has been used by so many people to describe me, has been running through my mind with apprehension.

During the conversation I could feel myself running out of energy, even feel my mood drop a big, but I was engaged, there was sensation, Stuff Happening, and I have such a hard time giving that up in favor of sleep which, frankly, I don't enjoy all that much. I never remember my dreams, or when I do, they're anxious dreams that always involve me being chased by something, or having to repeat a dangerous task over and over until I don't die in the process. But usually sleep is just blank-time, and blank-time is... blank. The only times I look forward to sleep are when I'm really, really depressed.

I'm trying something new here. I've pinned a thick blanket over one of my windows, the one that usually lets in the first rays of light that I notice and blame for waking me up most mornings. I'm also trying something new with my sleeping mask to try and block out even more light. I have a call at 10am, but sleeping from 2ish to just before then should benough, especially since I have slept... ok, at least, for the last couple of days. Let's see how that works.

* time passes *

5am. Well, crap. This is unusual, even for me. My brain woke up at 4:30ish, urging me to do... stuff. Like maybe edit some Second Shift, ("yeah! that'd be creative! and fun! and then you'd get one more ep out of Radio KoL! go, Motivation Man!"). It wasn't a guilt-driven, typically-(I-assume-)workaholic sort of thing, just... excited. It's an odd sensation, like my Hyperfocus Beam somehow got activated and was/is casting about looking for something to latch onto. I was also starving, for some reason.

I've had some food and written this. I'll try doing some push-ups or something before I get in bed again. Let's see if it makes a difference. *sigh*. It sucks to feel like my brain is fighting against me trying to be sane. =:( Will bring this up with Mr. T tomorrow.

edit 2 6:20am. Fuck you, insomnia. Fuck you everywhere. Maybe I'll also talk to Mr. T about sleep meds, too. Should also remember that I had a couple of cups of green tea today, starting around 2ish and finishing the last one around 7. Maybe that was just too much stimulant too late in the day. Urgh. Stupid body. =:(

Comments

[mirrored-echo.livejournal.com]

Eeep! Sorry you're not having any luck getting your brain to calm down; sleep meds may not be the worst idea.

Thank you for coming out, though! It was good seeing you.

Green Tea

[(Anonymous)]

http://www.english.upenn.edu/~nauerbac/tea.html

Not a good ide-a
the te-a.

[redfishie.livejournal.com]

this time of year, I have similar issues with insomnia - which I seem to only remember again, when this time of year comes up. I think its the seasonal changes and a vitamin deficiency of some sort factoring in.

[usernamenumber.livejournal.com]

No, not yet, but I guess I should. While I've had problems off-and-on my whole life, it's only been persistent problem lately. Then again, I've only been trying to go to bed relatively early more often lately, too.

[hanasaseru.livejournal.com]

As a note, mild exercise is something that actually tends to wake one up more, get blood flowing and such, so that might have harmed your ability to get back to seep in this scenario. I'm sure it's not hugely related to the problem in the long term, but just wanted to mention. Good luck, anyway.

[rhosyn-du.livejournal.com]

During the conversation I could feel myself running out of energy, even feel my mood drop a big, but I was engaged, there was sensation, Stuff Happening, and I have such a hard time giving that up in favor of sleep which, frankly, I don't enjoy all that much.

This happens to me all the time. I still haven't figured out a way around it. Even completely exhausting myself doesn't help when my brain really gets going. :P

[archangelwells.livejournal.com]

I'm really really sorry for keeping you awake so long!

I noticed you starting to droop eventually. I should pay better attention. I should also generally stop keeping people up so late.

There's always tomorrow for conversations. I have your contact information.

I'm really sorry!

[usernamenumber.livejournal.com]

Pfft. Note the part where I say that I don't regret the conversation. I just need to be better at noting and enforcing bedtime for myself. Totally not your responsibility. =:P

[archangelwells.livejournal.com]

Lies. First off, you're male, so that can't possibly be a true statement =P. Secondly, almost everything is my fault. And thirdly, I do the whole keeping other people awake far too long talking, far to often, to *not* take some bit of responsibility for it.