Not sure I *can* elaborate, since it's not any one thing . . . and also because it was an experiential issue rather than a rational/logical one . . . but, that said . . .
A lot of it I think was just witnessing what real poverty looks like. And, yeah, horrible things happen . . . but what was probably the biggest kick in the pants for me was how sincerely happy and/or joyful folks seemed to be during those times when the horrible stuff wasn't happening. I guess a lot of it was probably just witnessing how poor and limited my understanding of the human condition was, to be presuming to try to "help" anyone (a sentiment particularly reinforced by the fact that I was supposed to be helping the Unification church proselytize, when deep faith and religiosity, not to mention one more church asking for money, was one of the few things they did have in excess). And, you know, the sheer audacity of ANYONE trying to claim to know what was best for someone else (which is a large part of that whole messianic "suffer to make other people happy" thing).
Also it kinda really drove home the idea that the universe doesn't give a crap about you. Nice people who suffer politely don't get rewarded, at least not in this life; if you want something, you need to go get it yourself. Also, we're really all just so much meat; while you're alive, you're at the mercy of your biological programming, and when you die, you'll be eaten by bugs.
I guess, re-reading some of that, what it really impressed me with is how trivial and unimportant everything really is in the objective "big picture" view. Poverty? Disease? Heartbreak? Stress? So what; the universe is hurtling irreversibly toward its protracted end, and life will be extinguished from existence long, long before any of that happens. Enjoy life while it lasts, because it won't last forever, no matter what you think you've achieved or built or discovered or invented or nurtured. "This too shall pass," and all that. And in that light I think the absurdity of actively seeking suffering becomes pretty clear; it's all going to end whether you suffer or not. Also, suffering is going to come find you whether you go looking for it or not. So enjoy things while you can, and stop waiting for a miracle.
Again, YMMV; it's a bit on the macabre/fatalistic side, but it works for me.
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timeasmymeasure
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Date: 2009-10-02 12:48 am (UTC)A lot of it I think was just witnessing what real poverty looks like. And, yeah, horrible things happen . . . but what was probably the biggest kick in the pants for me was how sincerely happy and/or joyful folks seemed to be during those times when the horrible stuff wasn't happening. I guess a lot of it was probably just witnessing how poor and limited my understanding of the human condition was, to be presuming to try to "help" anyone (a sentiment particularly reinforced by the fact that I was supposed to be helping the Unification church proselytize, when deep faith and religiosity, not to mention one more church asking for money, was one of the few things they did have in excess). And, you know, the sheer audacity of ANYONE trying to claim to know what was best for someone else (which is a large part of that whole messianic "suffer to make other people happy" thing).
Also it kinda really drove home the idea that the universe doesn't give a crap about you. Nice people who suffer politely don't get rewarded, at least not in this life; if you want something, you need to go get it yourself. Also, we're really all just so much meat; while you're alive, you're at the mercy of your biological programming, and when you die, you'll be eaten by bugs.
I guess, re-reading some of that, what it really impressed me with is how trivial and unimportant everything really is in the objective "big picture" view. Poverty? Disease? Heartbreak? Stress? So what; the universe is hurtling irreversibly toward its protracted end, and life will be extinguished from existence long, long before any of that happens. Enjoy life while it lasts, because it won't last forever, no matter what you think you've achieved or built or discovered or invented or nurtured. "This too shall pass," and all that. And in that light I think the absurdity of actively seeking suffering becomes pretty clear; it's all going to end whether you suffer or not. Also, suffering is going to come find you whether you go looking for it or not. So enjoy things while you can, and stop waiting for a miracle.
Again, YMMV; it's a bit on the macabre/fatalistic side, but it works for me.