Yeah, that's pretty funny; I think future-you will be duly amused.
I hear you on the "maybe just when I can make a show of how much I'm suffering" thing; dunno how much this applies to you, but being raised with that whole messianic/Arthurian social construct certainly set me up solidly to dwell in that sort of space. Not sure I can give useful advice if that does apply, though, since I think most of what pulled me out of that was spending a month in Kingston, Jamaica (that kind of perspective is really pretty great).
I also hear you on the paternal "shadow of guilt" thing. Again, not sure what to say, though, since it took a near-total rejection of my parents' worldview and values to knock that one loose. Although I think the major player in that was coming to the position that biological "family" doesn't mean jack squat outside of hereditary health concerns (though certainly it is possible to construct a social family out of a biological one; the point being that you are only as obliged/indebted as you care to be toward your biological relatives). YMMV.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2009-10-01 03:57 am (UTC)I hear you on the "maybe just when I can make a show of how much I'm suffering" thing; dunno how much this applies to you, but being raised with that whole messianic/Arthurian social construct certainly set me up solidly to dwell in that sort of space. Not sure I can give useful advice if that does apply, though, since I think most of what pulled me out of that was spending a month in Kingston, Jamaica (that kind of perspective is really pretty great).
I also hear you on the paternal "shadow of guilt" thing. Again, not sure what to say, though, since it took a near-total rejection of my parents' worldview and values to knock that one loose. Although I think the major player in that was coming to the position that biological "family" doesn't mean jack squat outside of hereditary health concerns (though certainly it is possible to construct a social family out of a biological one; the point being that you are only as obliged/indebted as you care to be toward your biological relatives). YMMV.