Last week sucked. I was sleeping 8-9+ hours/night (almost unheard of for me) but still couldn't help falling asleep for 3ish hours in the middle of the afternoon on multiple days. I took Friday off from work because I could barely peel myself off the couch, let alone do anything productive.

Over the weekend I continued to sleep a lot, but on Monday I had my first solidly productive workday in who knows how long. I felt rested, my adderall felt "right", I stayed focused, I exercised, and when I got home I had enough brain left over to budget my time between personal projects and playtime, and then went to bed at a reasonable hour (aka before midnight). It felt great.

Then something inside me was like. "Nah, you don't need sleep". And I didn't sleep until about 6:30am. So far I've gotten about 4 hours, and I feel like that's all I'm going to get for now.

My only wish is that my body/brain/whatever would just pick a sleep disorder and stick with it. :(

On the bright side, I got a bit of work done, and I've now seen Thor? Sigh.
"My head's full of mud but my limbs are full of bees*"

(* = buzzing, not stinging)

That's the best description I've come up with for the way my insomnia feels a lot of the time, and I'm curious whether it resonates with anyone else.

More often than not, it's not "useful" insomnia, where I can at least get up and get something done. My eyes hurt. They want to go to sleep. My head is foggy and from my chest up feels like it's full of something heavy, like mud. But my arms legs are literally tingling, and have been since around 11 last night. Last night I spent about a third of my time in bed, a third in self-exile to the couch where my legs twitching and bouncing of their own accord wouldn't keep [livejournal.com profile] preraphaelite up, and a third sitting in the living room staring at my laptop, trying to get something done for work in anticipation of being useless on the morrow.

I looked up "restless leg syndrome", and it doesn't seem to be that. People with RLS describe a sort of throbbing ache that is helped by movement, while for me it's more a compulsion to move, like my extremities are in overdrive while the rest of me is trying to shut down.

My insomnia is not always like this, but the phenomenon is frequent enough that I think it bears noting. Has anyone else out there experienced this? What did you do?

I've started getting downright superstitious about what I eat. I was hungry late last night, so around 10 I had and apple with raisins and peanut butter. "Brilliant", I tell myself in hindsight, "that was basically just so much sugar and protein"... but could that possibly be enough to cause this? I'm going to try keeping a proper food/sleep journal, so I can "do science at it", as preraph puts it, and see what I find.

The advice I see online for similar things is "quit caffeine for a month and see if it helps". That's probably good advice, and I'm going to try it too, but a) I don't consume that much by most people's standards (though I did drink a couple of cups in the late afternoon yesterday), and even if I did quit caffeine, there's still my prescription adderall, and though I could quit it too, I'm loathe to futz with that too much because I think it actually does keep me (relatively) focused.

But then, I think maybe that's the crux of the issue: the things that clear out the mud anger the bees, which makes me muddier the next day. Vicious cycle indeed.

Anyway, was planning to work from home so I could pass out when my body finally decides to do so, but of course I look at my calendar and today is Have All The Meetings day, so here I am at work. Sometimes I'm get to a point where I loop all the way around to being too tired to get distracted, so let's see what I can do...
Slept approx 1:30am to 5:30am today, Made myself stay in bed (albeit with laptop between attempts to get back to sleep) until 9:30ish, but now in an "if I'm not going to sleep, I might as well Get Stuff Done" mood, which is good. A curious thing about my insomnia is that when I don't sleep during the night I have about a 30/70 chance of being strangely clear-headed and focused the next day instead of extra-spacy and depressed. Not quite sure what that means. Last night was definitely a depression bit. Worked late (for the only time that week), put off food too long, and just suddenly ran out of cope and crashed hard. I think part of the reason I went to bed as late as I did was because I was in one of those states where I just didn't have the motivation to get to sleep. And yet, today, while not exactly brimming with extra spoons, I feel strangely able to focus and full of motivation (part of the reason I haven't been able to get back to sleep). Some of the things I would like to get done today (mostly just thinking out loud at this point):

- Edit more Second Shift scenes (currently a bit less than 1/3 of the way through episode 2.12)
- Clean room (depression plus busy-ness plus a number of packages arriving = holy crap my room is a mess)
- Contemplate personal issues
- Return faulty sandals (Basil!!)
- Laundry
- Enjoy a glass of SILK NOG! (which is not nearly as nasty as it sounds)
- Watch another ep from the This American Life TV show dvd
- Take a nap before zomgthiseveningisfullofparties so as to maintain spoonfulness
- Don't wait until out of spoons to do something re-energizing
Bed at 12:10, sleep at 3:30-4. Awake at 7:45. 10mg melatonin. Sleep mask stayed affixed. White-noise machine on. No light. No unusual sounds (afaik). Awake anyway.

I have no idea what could have brought this one on other than caffeine+add med around 2pm (it can't be that either has that much affect on me, right? -- I know I at least felt the caffeine crash) and biking home late (arrived around 11:40). Geez, maybe that was it. Health problems induced by exercise. Ha ha, universe.

Man, I am gonna be so fubar today. Ugh, I give up*.

Might as well have one more try at getting back to sleep now that I've griped.

* not really, it just helps to say that sometimes.

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October 2016

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